Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Treasures of Darkness

Mom and Sis Walk Down the Tree-Lined Road
Last weekend was difficult.

It was good to see my sister. The visit was all too short, except that was good in a way. That's because my mother was being especially difficult. I don't know why, but she seems to have gone from irritated to agitated to bitterly hateful over the past few weeks. I do not know how much of this is beyond her control, but it is overwhelming at times--wearying to both my body and spirit. Over the weekend she moped and complained and criticized and accused and generally made us rather miserable.

We went for a drive to see the pristine glory of the season's first snow. The trees and fields were beautiful, but the grey sky matched my mood. Nothing brought a smile to my mother's face (except telling her to smile for a picture).

My sister left with sadness in her eyes. Pulling her suitcase out of the car, she said to our mother, "We love you. Try to find the good side of things."
My mother seems more clear-headed than usual these last few days, so I talked softly but directly on the way home from the airport. I will not accept being called a liar. I will no longer go out of my way to please her, since nothing works anyway. I will care for her and love her as best I can, but I request that she refrain from constant criticism and see if she can find something good to say about me. She was silent, mostly. But she has been very sweet these last few days. I don't know what to think, and I'm trying to take it day by day.

Other things weigh on my mind lately. My emotions are a bit erratic, and that is unsettling. Seeking peace this morning, I put on a worship c.d. for background music as I alternately sipped a cup of coffee and stirred the oatmeal. The words slowly began to sink in.

You are my strength when I am weak,
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all...

Jesus, Lamb of God,
Worthy is your name,
Jesus, Lamb of God,
Worthy is your name.

When I fall down you pick me up,
When I am dry you fill my cup,
You are my all in all...

Jesus, Lamb of God,
Worthy is your name,
Jesus, Lamb of God,
Worthy is your name.

I prayed silently. "I am dry, God. Please fill my cup a bit today."

Later I read from Isaiah 45:2-4 in the New Living Translation:

I will give you the treasures of darkness,
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the LORD,
Who call you by your name,
Am the God of Israel.

Treasures of darkness? Hidden riches of secret places? My heart longs for that. Is the treasure in darkness, in my case, the image of Christ being formed in me? Oh God, may it be so! Preserve me from impatience and bitterness and the dangerous protection of a cold heart.

Tonight I walked into a classroom at church. I had worked hard on the Bible study. My mother and only three others joined me. I sighed inwardly. What am I doing? Is it worth the effort?

Glancing toward the blackboard on the wall, I read,


I love you Pastur!
Brad
My cup filled a little.

9 comments:

Psalmist said...

I love you, my dear sister Singing Owl.

Love, Psalmist

Anonymous said...

My heart ached for you as I began reading your post. When I read the familiar words to the song, I was blessed and encouraged. But when I read Isaiah 45:3 my mouth fell open because that was the exact verse I wrote in my journal yesterday. The Lord has comforted me greatly with it. His Word is alive and powerful and able to give us just what we need to hear if we have the ears to hear it. I am SO encouraged for you to know that He spoke these words to you too. Today it was Isaiah 40:29 "He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak." May your heart hear all the love, peace and strength that He speaks to you as He summons you by name dear Dorcas. love, Maureen
P.S. It would take a heck of a lot more than one classroom blackboard to hold all the love messages everyone has for you in their hearts!

truth said...

I can only imagine how difficult a road to live with a mom who seems bent on destructive criticism.

Keep holding out your empty cup and He will fill it. Sometimes we just need to be honest with how empty it is (or that it is still full of the wrong things and we need to empty it a little more, before He can pour back into it.)

Thanks for sharing. Your words are encouraging.

HeyJules said...

Here's praying that your cup be restored to running over.

If anyone can do it, HE can.

cheesehead said...

(((((Singing Owl)))))

heartberry said...

:0)

the reverend mommy said...

(o)
Holding you today in prayer.

much2ponder said...

((((((Pastor))))))
Your willingness to serve the Lord continually brings light that casts out darkness. Remember, your prayers and perseverance are crucial in holding back the forces of evil in your corner of the world and beyond. Thank you for not giving up! You are loved

Amy said...

Thank you for this post.

Love ya.